The 5 different personalities you see at the gym

After making a comeback to the gym environment  as I had taken a long break, I came across a number of gym personalities that I found quite hilarious,  some were quite entertaining whilst others well let's  say they were just irritating. Here are the 5 different personalities you see at the gym.

"Your typical meat head"

1. Whilst checking out the so called bad ass "free weights" section, which happens to be basically anything but free as you need to pretty much compete against like a thousand juiced up guys for the bench press, you bare witness to the first type of gym personality.  I find this to be the most entertaining as these guys will pretty much do a lot more shouting and grunting then well lifting. I find it absolutely hilarious when I see your common steroid freak grunting like he is pretty much giving birth mean while doing your regular standard biceps curls, now you can only imagine what happens once he hits the squat rack (Just kidding that rarely ever happens as they all tend to have your classic chicken legs syndrome).

Looking at this situation from an optimistic point of view , you can always at least witness their flawless lifting technique (not really..).

2.  The second annoying personality at the gym has to go to the amazing self proclaimed gym "teachers". You finally finished school/university and decided to hit the gym in order to just pump some iron and relax in order to get away from all the schooling bullshit that you go through on a daily basis, that is when you meet one of those gym teachers. These guys will initially just stare you down and then approach you while your basically barely holding your form as you have been working towards your final failure set and then these guys will start instructing you on your freaking FORM!. Even if you have no clue who this person is and do not care for what their freaking advice is. The sad part is, unlike actual personal trainers, these guys do not even get paid but yet they like to show off about their so called gym knowledge. Please go mind your own business or better yet actually get paid for your so called "gym knowledge" as I honestly do not give a ****. Please leave me alone before I slam you with my barbell, I bet you didn't see that coming huh Mr.Smart Guy.

"The next time someone unprofessional criticizes your form, I recommend the following response."

"Gym goers on their typical hardcore workout session"

3. So there I am waiting for the smith machine and I see this guy basically chilling next to it whilst texting. Being a nice guy that I am, I approach this dude and ask him when he will be finished with the machine, he simply replies that he is resting right now and he will then proceed to finish off   his last set. So i stand there waiting like a freaking jackass whilst this guy finishes his so called workout, What i did not know at the time was that this so called rest period was basically 15 minutes of intense texting. His correct response should have been should have been more like, well I need to finish my last set but before that I have to do thousand text repetitions.

"Now that looks like one intense workout"

" Now for the 4th personality type, I like to call these the show-off types"

4.  Unlike your typical roided gym goer personality that we talked about previously, these guys  would rather spend most of their time checking out their abs than actually doing any work. This is the type of person that would lay down on the mat to do like ten basic crunches, he/she will then stand in front of the mirror either to check out their abs or take selfies. Now I urge you to compose yourself as your natural instincts would probably tell you to the beat the hell out of these guy but hey I bet their photo editing skills are through the roof.

"This is so true, it's not even funny"

"Fellow gym goer diagnosed with the chicken legs pandemic"

5. The last and final gym personality has to go to your infamous chicken legs. The funny thing about a number of bodybuilders is that they have incredible upper bodies with the skinniest legs possible, I mean what the hell happened to leg day. As funny as these guys look, one must always take the chicken legs pandemic incredibly seriously. I have listed below a number of syndromes that are big indicators for this syndrome, these are the following:

• If your gym routine looks anything like the following, you my be infected by this pandemic. Monday(biceps), Tuesdday(biceps),Wednesday(Cardio (1000 texts reps)), Thursday(biceps), Friday(chest). The above schedule is an enormous indicator of the possibility of a chicken legs infection.
• If you wear a size XL shirts/tank-tops whilst wearing the skinniest pants you can find.
• If your so called leg workout only consists of training calves.
• If all girls at the gym can squat more than you even though you are twice as heavy.

If you have any or all the above syndromes, I have to urgently advice you to spend at least spend 20 minutes of your workouts squatting or dead-lifting, note that any leg machines do not count.

"My typical response to anyone showing off about their amazing gym workouts whilst they have legs skinnier than bloody spongebob square-pants"

"Now those are some toned legs alright"

I think that is enough ranting about your standard gym personalities for one post, either way I hope you guys had a fun read and also an overall great day. I must admit though that all this talk about chicken legs made me kinda hungry, if you know what I mean.

"Mmmm chicken legs, nom nom nom..."

8 things that annoy me about working in retail

We have all been there, well most of us anyway. Whether you had to make some quick bucks on weekends or during your years at school, retail seemed like the place to be. You need little to no experience to get into it but sooner or later you realize that the life of a retail sales assistant is perhaps not as easy going as it seems to be . This is the reason why I decided to write this article and tell you  about the eight things that annoyed me the most during my work in retail.

1. Number one has to go to the statement "The customer is always right". During your years working at your favorite shoe retailer or well the only retailer around that actually was desperate enough to hire you as another staff member happened to have suffered a mental breakdown during their last shift, you stumble upon a very common statement that management tends to enrich you with "The customer is always right". So being as inexperienced as you are in the industry, you simply assume that perhaps the customer is always right however after months go by and by spending long shifts at you favorite work place something changes. You start noticing that most customers are actually always wrong, but as you are a mere sales assistant you can only nod and agree during which when your customer is convinced that they are a size 4 because of their so called "petite"feet when you can clearly see that those shoes are on the verge of bursting open. But hey just nod and smile, because the customers is always right even when they happen to be utterly retarded.

2. The second most annoying thing is the crazy cat lady or well the retail equivalent of that which is the crazy shoe lady. This type of customer will come into your store and try every single shoe on sight and sometimes just leave the place without buying anything.  She will mess up every single shoe stand you have and the shoes she is trying on will cover a 10 meters radius. She will keep trying on shoes repeatedly by using excuses such as "I have funny feet", "The brands I like do not come in half-sizes" or the more famous "It is really important for me to get a different sandal for each day for my trip to the South of France as otherwise I will feel so very under dressed for the occasion ". If you manage to stumble upon this type of  customer then may Jesus, Allah, Buddha or whatever you believe in help save your soul as otherwise you will get a taste of retail hell.

Weekends happen to become an alien concept for retailers, as they happen to be WORKING.

3. You just started at your retail job and decided to go out Friday night with your friends, oh well I suggest you cancel that as you will be freaking working weekends. This is probably the most frustrating factor of having a retail job as just everyone you know will brag about their weekend plans or what they did the past weekend whilst you will sit there at work serving a bunch of customers that also happen to be bragging about how awesome their weekend is going and the amount of shopping that they have done. 

A common way of dealing with your common douche bag customer.

4.  Douche bag customers are one of the most annoying things in retail and unfortunately they happen to be found in every corner. For some God forsaken reason, some customers think that they can get away with pretty much anything as they have graced you by walking into your store and have considered buying your absolutely cheapest item. They also happen to think that for some reason whatever happens to their order is particularly your fault even  though head office simply decided to write the wrong address on the item, but hey at least they do not need to deal with these customers directly as you are having the pleasure of doing that.

You after being asked to work Christmas.

5.  Growing up public holidays were always something that you gladly looked forward to, whether you were looking forward to your new game-boy color, hanging out with your not so awesome relatives or simply catching up on your serious gaming career, holidays were at some point or another pretty awesome. That is until you started working at your local retailer. Public holidays are basically retail Armageddon and unlike the movie unfortunately you will not end up marrying Grace as it simply never ends well.

Sorry buddy :)

You will however manage to serve some of the most interesting customers on the planet even some that you perhaps never thought actually existed. The gif below demonstrates your common Christmas shopping customer, enjoy your holidays.

Hey at least sales are up which is great if you work on commission otherwise please try not to kill anyone. 

6.  If you are a music fan, this may irritate you the most as you will not only get irritated by the very outdated music that is played at your store but also by the fact that each song happens to be on repeat all the time. The sad part is that your brain has forcibly learned all the lyrics and sometimes out of shear boredom you cannot help yourself but to sing along. But hey the good thing is that your new improved singing skills will probably improve your chances on the X-factor and maybe one day you will leave this place by becoming a famous singer.

Or not...

7. Customers that have mistaken your store for a psychiatrist office, believe it or not I am payed to sell you goods not to listen about why you had your recent divorce as your ex-husband found it convenient to cheat on you with a random street hooker . I actually have better things to think about like for instance the release date of the next call of duty game instead of your relationship problems.

I sell shoes, the therapist office happens to be next door. The only thing I can really do is point you to the nearest bridge in case you want to commit suicide, which will be a pleasure really.

8.  Long hours, you will work extremely long hours especially during public holidays and unlike other roles you have to always to smile and pretend like you do not have a single worry in the world. Even though you will be working 60 hour work weeks, be payed minimum wage and will still have to live on ramen noodles, oh the good times. 

I hope you guys have somewhat enjoyed my article although i must admit that there is some good points about working in retail such as meeting some decent people and well the discounts if your store actually offers any. This post could perhaps help people understand that life in retail is not as easy as it seems to be and maybe this time they will not burst into your store in order to find your lonesome sales assistant and then proceed to try every shoe on the planet especially when the store closes in 5 minutes time as the person serving you may be carrying a revolver.

Just had to end this post with the gorgeous Scarlett Johansson :)